Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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