I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
