I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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