Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
