I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
