I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
