Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
