soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize