i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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