Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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