He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
