I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
