how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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