i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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