she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
