She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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