I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Two words: blizzard sex
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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