a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
