I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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