life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
