Do vagina's smell?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
