i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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