My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
