After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
