i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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