so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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