An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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