the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
