i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
