Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize