everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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