it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
