Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
