i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
