All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
