What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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