so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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