You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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