Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
