Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
