I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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