He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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