She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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