i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
