The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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