Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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