already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
