She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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