PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize