my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
