So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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