; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
