I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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