I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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