Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
