Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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