Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Randomize
