It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
