I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
