Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
