I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
